College Experience Journal Entry #8

College Experience Reflective Journal Entry #28 Oct 12, 10

1. A time that I have felt anger recently was yesterday evening.  I was unsure whether Mom would be back in time for me to have the car so I wouldn't have to cross the highway in the dark to get home from school, so I asked Dad if he would take me to class if Mom got back late.  He was sitting at his computer, burning CDs for a friend, and he told me to walk to class.  Mom has told me that she would rather I not cross the highway at night, and has been either driving me to class, or letting me use the car to get to class.  I was upset that Dad would not take the five or so minutes it would have taken to grab his keys and wallet, unlock the truck, and drive me to school.  I ended up walking and getting about halfway to school when Mom met me coming the other way.  I explained to Mom why I was upset with Dad, and wrote Dad a letter telling him how I felt about the situation that I deleted after I had calmed down. 2. Strategies that I can use in the future when I get angry are writing my feelings down, cleaning something that needs cleaning, or going for a long walk. Writing my feelings down would help me deal with the anger in a positive way by getting the feelings out, as opposed to keeping them bottled up inside, because I tend not to show my anger as much as I do other emotions.  Writing the feelings down on paper would also give me something to burn when I do purification rituals. The burning of the paper is a way to get rid of the negative emotions and energies tied to the words written on it, which is cathartic and helps me clear my head. Cleaning something that needs cleaning would help me deal with the anger in a positive way by channeling the emotion into energy and giving me the oomph I'd need to do the cleaning.  It could be something like cleaning my room, or cleaning a sink that needs deep cleaning, or even cleaning up a thrift store find.  This would help me by giving me something to focus on other than being angry, and it would also get something cleaned that needs cleaning, which is always a good thing. Going for a long walk would help me deal with the anger by putting me into motion.  It would be a physical activity, and since I tend to space off and leave emotions from home behind when I walk, it would help me clear my head.  At the same time, it would channel the emotions into activity in a way that is beneficial to me, as walking is good exercise.

College Experience Journal Entry #7

College Experience Reflective Journal Entries #23 and 24 Oct 11, 10

1. Something I enjoyed learning is how to knit.  I started learning it when I was in High School.  I had a bit of difficulty at first because I had learned how to crochet, which uses different hand movements.  The most helpful thing I did to learn this was to find step-by-step instructions with pictures of how to manipulate the yarn to do particular stitches.  I have a book that I learned the basics from, and I also utilized Youtube videos of basic techniques.  I would spend a few hours every now and then working on practicing knitting.  I had moments of frustration, especially when I was first learning, because the hand movements were so different from crochet.  I still have moments of frustration, usually when my gauge is off, or when I see something I'd like to make, but can't due to lack of yarn or lack of skills.  It's especially frustrating trying to make something that should be made on double-pointed needles, because I haven't gotten those figured out yet.  The rewards for learning how to knit are that I can make things like sweaters, hats, scarves, and blankets, and have things that I could've bought in stores.  It gives me a sense of pride because I can say "Yes, I made that." 1. The most challenging course I'm taking this semester is Elementary Algebra.  I have difficulty with Algebra in general because it is not a visual math, and I do not understand how I could apply what I learn in class to things outside the classroom.  Because I am mostly an innovating learner, I do not like the abstract factor of Algebra.  2. Some different ways I can work on learning this subject is thinking about the content creatively and metaphorically, studying with classmates who have different learning styles from my own, and by getting tutored.

College Experience Journal Entry #6

College Experience Reflective Journal Entry #20 and 22 Oct 08, 10

1. One of my self-defeating behavior patterns is that I let myself become distracted from time to time.  One example of this is that I will have my homework out and be working on it, but at the same time, I will have a chatroom open on my laptop and be going back and forth between homework and the chatroom.  Some of the possible reasons this occured are because there are a lot of things that go on around me, and the fact that I chose to let these things distract me.  I let myself continue practicing the bad habit of allowing myself to become distracted for a very long time.  This behavior has had the undesireable effect of me putting off important things like schoolwork in favor of doing the fun things first.  I would be more likely to turn in assignments on time and get what is important done first if I were to change the bad habit. 1. MY PERSONAL RULES FOR SUCCESS IN COLLEGE AND IN LIFE: 1. I will show up on time. 2. I will put more than passable effort into all of my work. 3. I will participate actively. 4. I will not let anyone bully me. 5. I will go for my dreams. 6. I will accept myself for who I am, flaws and imperfections included. 7. I will focus on what I want for myself, not what others want for me. 8. I will work on my Graphic Design Portfolio regularly. 2. My thoughts and feelings about my rules: My most important rules are that I will not let anyone bully me, I will go for my dreams, and I will focus on what I want for myself and not what others want for me.  These rules are important to me because in the past, I allowed people to bully me, I let myself be pushed towards things that I did not want for myself, and I was miserable as a result.  The experiences I have had that give additional value to these rules are that I was bullied all through school as a child, pre-teen, and teenager.  I was scared to go for what I wanted because I put value in what my parents wanted for me, when I should have been focusing more on what I wanted, and paying attention to what I really was after.  The rule that I will have the easiest time with is that I will show up on time.  I make an effort to show up at least ten minutes before anything important is set to begin, because I made a choice years ago to do my best to not be late for anything.  The rule that I will have the most challenge keeping is that I will not let anyone bully me.  This will be a challenge for me because I have self-esteem issues, but I'm working on changing that.

College Experience Journal Entry #5

College Experience Post-Assessment Results Oct 07, 10

62: Accepting Personal Responsibility    75: Discovering Self-Motivation    53: Mastering Self-Management    55: Employing Interdependence    63: Gaining Self-Awareness    65: Adopting Lifelong Learning    44: Developing Emotional Intelligence    71: Believing in Myself Now compare these scores to my scores from almost eight weeks ago: Accepting Personal Responsibility:  51 Discovering Self-Motivation:  61 Mastering Self-Management:  30 Employing Interdependence:  38 Gaining Self-Awareness:  37 Adopting Lifelong Learning:  41Developing Emotional Intelligence:  34 Believing In Myself:  46 The scoring for both was as follows: 0 - 39        ...an area where your choices will seldom get you on course. 40 - 63        ...an area where your choices will sometimes get you on course. 64 - 80        ...an area where your choices will usually keep you on course. It's amazing how far I've come just in eight weeks.

College Experience Journal Entry #4

College Experience Reflective Journal Entry #16 Oct 07, 10

1. Sentence Stems: 1. An outer obstacle that stands between me and my success in college is getting to class on time in inclimate weather. 2. Someone besides me who could help me overcome this outer obstacle is my mom. 3. How this person could help me is by driving me to school if the weather is bad. 4. An inner obstacle that stands between me and my success in college is my tendency to allow myself to become distracted. 5. Someone besides me who could help  me overcome this inner obstacle is my friend Tam. 6. How this person could help me is by asking me if I've gotten my homework done before we work on our stories each night. 7. The most challenging course I'm taking in college this semester is College Experience. 8. This course is challenging for me because I do not like asking for help with things. 9. Someone who could help me overcome this challenge is my friend Kat. 10. How this person could help me is by pointing out time and again that I have people to catch me when I fall. 2. Choices I can make to create a stronger support network: -I can stay after class and talk to the teacher about assignments -I can talk to my classmates about assignments and about getting a ride to class when Mom cannot take me to scool -I can ask Dad for help with my business classes -I can ask my brother for help with algebra -I can ask for help

College Experience Journal Entry #3

The entries after the first two may have different numbers associated with them, but I assure you, the title of the entry here is the chronological order that the entries were written in.

College Experience Reflective Journal Entry #14 Oct 07, 10

1. Successes I have created in my  life: -Graduated High School -Graduated Job Corps on Honor Four phase -Traveled on my own over 1,000 miles -Got a tattoo that means something to me -Enrolled in college -Figured out what I want to do with my life -Overcome my fear of dogs -Been to over five anime conventions 2. Personal skills and talents: -Artistic -Cooking -Compassionate -Understanding of good characterization -Knitting -Sewing -Musical ability -Secretarial skills -Costuming skills -Seamstress -Duct tape manipulator -Type at over 80 net words per minute with 99-100% accuracy -good listener -funny -Able to laugh at my own "DERP"s 3. Positive risks I've taken: -Taking a job at a casino in 2007 -Going into Job Corps -Getting my tattoo -Asking a girl in one of my very first college classes about her messenger bag -Applying at SWCC -Dyeing my hair blue 4. Important actions that I have resistance about doing -Calling the CPC in order to get help getting to a doctor and or psychologist -Working on and submitting a project to the AntiCraft web magazine -Workig on a commission for someone whose attitude I dislike 5. Visualization: I am writing the information down for my project. I have all of my pictures for my project, as well as the "proof of concept" pictures from my pattern testers. I am excited. Everything is spelled right, gramatically correct, and there are no measurement errors.  The editors of the AntiCraft are excited about publishing my project.

College Experience Journal Entry #2

College Experience Reflective Journal Entry #2 Sep 14, 10

1.Strengths: -I see objects for what they could be. -I am a good cook. -I can make my own clothes. -I have a lot of patience. -I am usually on time. -I am always willing to try new things. -I am a NaNoWriMo winner. -I am funny. -I do my best to finish what I start. -I walk most anywhere I want to go. -I do not let my game characters dying affect my mood. It's just a game. -I am good at making simple jewelry. 2. Weaknesses: -I am overweight. -I allow myself to become easily distracted. -I procrastinate. -I can be snippy with others. -I am stubborn. -I get overly emotional at times. -I tend to back down rather than try to defend myself. -I have little patience for people who choose to be ignorant. -I can be lazy at times. -I let my pride get in the way of getting help. -I take things too personally sometimes. -I snark. -I tend to forget things. -I do not express my feelings well. 3. My self-esteem is about a 6 or a 7 right now.  I think it got to be that way because I allowed myself to become a victim for a few years after my time at Iowa Western Community College, when I basically crash-and-burned due to my own bad choices.  I would like to be more confident and to believe in myself more.  Changes I know I need to make are to stop letting my pride get in the way of getting the help I need, working on getting into shape, and working on stopping thinking like a victim.

College Experience Journal Entry #1

My first semester of college, I had a required class called "The College Experience".  We were required to write journal entries over the course, and that's what a lot of the entries on my other blog are about.

College Experience Journal Entry #1 Aug 31, 10

1.-Score for Accepting Personal Responsibility:  51 -Score for Discovering Self-Motivation:  61 -Score for Mastering Self-Management:  30 -Score for Employing Interdependence:  38 -Score for Gaining Self-Awareness:  37 -Score for Adopting Lifelong Learning:  41 -Score for Developing Emotional Intelligence:  34 -Score for Believing In Myself:  46 2.  My highest score was in "Discovering Self-Motivation".  If I had to pinpoint one or two reasons why that score was higher than everything else, I would have to say that five years of not going after my goals, interspersed with failed attempts at getting out on my own and independent, as well as almost a year at Job Corps followed by a very short job, coupled with my frustration at my situation, had a lot to do with it.  Some of it was also due to being in my younger brother's shadow ever since he started school a year after I did.  Being compared to him due to his better grades in all areas, while I did well in only a few areas, really hurt.  Even now, I feel like I'm in his shadow because he's been on the Dean's List at his college, and he's done internships in his field of study and done well at those internships.  Always being second best at something like that has driven me to be the best at what I do well, and finding things that I'm good at that he isn't good at, and working on being even better at those things, be it knitting or drawing, or even cooking. I tend to be stubborn about getting what I want, and I've been learning to put that to good use.  For example, I started Job Corps in April of 2008, and aside from filling out some paperwork and securing a job, I was done by the time December 15th rolled around.  I had decided that I would not dink around while I was at Job Corps, though I did make time to be social and not hole up on dorm.  I started out on Phase Three, which is the third highest Phase one can be at the Denison Job Corps Center, and maintained that Phase, with steadily improving scores, for most of my time at the center.  I made a decision early on in my time there that I would graduate Job Corps as a Phase Four or Honor Four student, and through hard work, discipline, and a lot of determination, I succeeded.  I graduated as an Office Assistant student, on Honor Four.  I had been a member of the Clown Club, the LRC Monitors, and other recreational activities, as well as being Crew Leader in two areas on my dorm.  Because I was so determined to succeed at Job Corps, and because I put forth the effort, I did succeed there.  Knowing that I can succeed if I set my mind to it has made me a very self-motivated individual.  I hope to apply what I've learned about myself over the past five years to use in college, and in the Air Force. 3.  My lowest score was in "Mastering Self-Management".  This is something I have struggled with for as long as I have been in school.  A very small part of it is because I have Attention Deficit Disorder, but a lot of it is learned bad habits.  I also tend to choose to do the "Fun" things first, instead of the things that need to be done that aren't "Fun".  I know I need to work on breaking that habit for good if I want to succeed in college.  I have started working on that by not taking the full "recommended" first semester for my major, so I don't have as much on my plate this time around.  I am working on not being so forgetful of assignments by doing them in a timely manner, and writing them down when the instructor assigns them.  I will also make use of all the sticky notes I have access to, will write down the things I need to remember to be prepared for class and other things throughout my day, and will put them where I will see them as I'm getting ready before I bring them with me.  With consistency, the sticky notes will become habit, and will go a long ways in helping me better manage things in my life.