A Rant.

Blah, blah blah, long time since last post, yeah, whatever.

Warning, rant incoming. Anyone who tries to tell me how lucky I am just to have someplace to sleep at night, or to be glad that I still have my parents around, or any variation on those two phrases will be blocked, and I don't give two fucks if we've been friends for years. I don't want to hear it, because that bullshit is all I've been hearing from people who don't understand.

-------Rant begins here.-------

So.... yesterday, technically, Dad asked me where I'd been because he hadn't seen me at all... I'd been up in my room, asleep, most of the day... and he asked me why... I told him "Because I don't want to be griped at if I fall asleep in the middle of the night and wake up at 4:30 before going to bed again." Which was partially true... but most of the reason I've been staying in my room is because it's easier on me than trying to deal with him.

Even on his 'good' days, and when he's sober, he's an asshole and abrasive as fuck for me to be around. Is it too much to ask if I want to have days where I'm not being yelled at or cussed at or given attitude or talked down to, or being treated like shit?

It's been a steady downhill slide with him as long as I can remember, and in the last five or so years, it's gotten much worse as his drinking has continued.Yet I'm the fucking problem for trying to distance myself as much as I can from that? I'm the one with the piss-poor attitude because I react to anger and attitude in kind because the alternative is to be berated and verbally abused to the point that I end up running away anyway?

"Honor thy father and mother" is such a load of horseshit. I refuse to 'honor' or 'respect' anyone who will not respect me enough to treat me like a human being and not a verbal punching bag.

o.0

Yeah... It's been awhile since I posted last. Had a case of Life happen. Been busy working on costume stuff for BotCon. I'm very nearly done with Heatwave, but I still need to get more fabric to replace the pleather. At least I still have time before BotCon, and heck, even before Free Comic Book Day, to finish him. I'll be debuting the costume at Krypton Comics for FCBD, as they're having a costume contest, and I'd really like to enter. After I finish Heatwave, I'll get back to work on Deckerd, and will update the Making Deckerd blog.

Tattoos

I am inked. I have a tattoo of Quintessence within Alchemical Silver, with plans for many more pieces of ink. One of the pieces I want is a tribute to my dog, Cody, who passed away last April. I'll get it on my calf, since that has more room, which means a bigger piece. I'm also planning a massive back piece that encompases the vast majority of my favorite Transformers, and which will carry over onto my right arm, and possibly even onto my sides. I'm also planning out a 'spark' for over my heart. It's like with potato chips. Can't stop at one... but they all tell a story. I have many tattoo ideas for things like moving into my own place, completing 60k in NaNoWriMo last year, and other milestones of importance to me. What is it about ink that appeals to us so much? Is it the gift of rememberance or something more?

New Things

So today, I went to my first knitting group meeting... I had fun. There was much nommage happening, and some knitting, and a lot of gabbing and squeeing over pretty yarns. I'll try and hit the wednesday meetings, as those are on what is normally my friday... and tomorrow, I get 'Net at my apartment, so no longer will I have to hit fast food joints or village inns for internets! Also, something really wonderful is in the works. It involves a LOT of pixie sticks. And shenanigans. and epic squee. and a good dose of cosplay. More details as they come.

New Year, New Resolutions

So 2013 is upon us. I resolved to write at least a paragraph in my blog a day, so this is the start of that. This year, I am also going to finish one of my costumes in time for BotCon, as well as a special doll project. I am going to work on the issues I have been dealing with and repressing for awhile. I will also work on keeping my apartment clean enough that I can live in it.

Yup, I'm at it again.

Redo: Cosplay Survey

Re-doing this since some of the answers have changed since the last time I did it.

1 . Your first cosplay?
Vengeance, who was an original Homunculus character based in the Fullmetal Alchemist anime. I will never be reviving that one, since I kept getting compared to Ozzy Osbourne, and since I really didn't look that good...

2. How many costumes have you done?
Eight, and a ninth in progress.

3. Your most recent cosplay?
Heatwave from Transformers Rescue Bots (Just about finished with him, in fact. :D)

4. Your favorite cosplay?
Tied between Alfons Heidrich and Transformers Animated Arcee

5. The character you have cosplayed that is most similar to you (if none that you have cosplayed, then one that you will cosplay)?
TFA Arcee.

6. Your cosplay plans for the rest of the year (if you have no more for this year, then do next year!)
Genderswapped Wash, Deckerd from Brave Police J-Decker, Transformers Animated Megatron, Drill Boy from Brave Police J-Decker, Drill Silver from Brave of Gold Goldran, Blades from Transformers Rescue Bots, and quite possibly Vexen from Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, if I get my coat fixed.

7. The dream cosplay that might just happen?
Midnight Express from Transformers: Robots in Disguise

8. The dream cosplay that will never happen?
Well, if I had done this survey before going to BotCon in 2011, my answer would have been Midnight Express from Transformers: Robots in Disguise.... but I've learned a lot, and I feel confident that I will be able to build him.

9. Something cosplay-related that you will never do (eg. crossplay, cosplay from a certain series).
I will never do a cosplay to cater to a fanboy's fantasies. If I cosplay, it's for me.

10. Your cosplay idol?
My fellow TransCostumers. They're all awesome cosplayers, and incredibly nice and wonderful people.

11. Your cosplay specialty (ie. something that seems to apply to a large amount of your cosplays, it could be a specific series, or a common feature in their appearance, such as glasses).
Giant robots. :3

12. Your cosplay-making habits (eg. singing while working on cosplay):
I reference the hell out of anything I'm doing. As many angles as I can find, and a whole mess of screencaps, as well as official art. Then I start drafting out patterns, or eying stuff in thrift stores.... I also have to have music going while I work.

13. Your least favourite thing about cosplay?
That there are people who think it's okay to mock someone's attempt at cosplaying, and that for awhile, I was part of that group. I need an occasional kick in the ass to remind me that that behavior is unacceptable in the cosplay world.

14. Do you belong to any cosplay groups? Yes. I am a member of the TransCostumers. I am also an unofficial member of the Mandalorian Mercs, and unofficial member of the GIJOE cosplay group dedicated to the A Real American Hero series. My old cosplay group, The Order of the Red Glove, has been kinda dead for about two years now, but I'll still have a red glove on me as a tribute to them.

15. What events have you cosplayed to? Future event plans? Anime Weekend Atlanta 2005, 2006, 2007. Anime Central 2006. SogenCon 2007. Anime Nebraskon 2010, 2011. BotCon 2011.
Future plans include Anime Nebraskon 2012. Acen and SavCon didn't happen due to fundage problems

16. What is your best cosplay memory?
.....Does it have to be in costume, or can it be at a cosplay panel? 'cause if I can do the cosplay panel thing, the one I went to at BotCon. 'Cause it made me realize that my ideas are not unobtainable, and that it is possible for me to build one of my dream cosplays.

17. What is your worst cosplay memory?
Bending over to get something out of the trunk of my car, and having my skirt split at the back seam. Thank Deities that I was wearing an overskirt.

18. Have you won any cosplay awards?
Not yet, but I'm hoping I'll get one sometime soon.

19. Your best cosplay derp photo?
... I don't have one of those.

20. Have you worn cosplay in a regular situation? Only bits and pieces of my steampunk outfit, 'cause it looks nice.

21. Your most expensive cosplay?
Heatwave from Transformers Rescue Bots. Already at $100 + for materials.

22. Your most comfortable cosplay and most uncomfortable cosplay?
Most comfortable: Tie between Vector Prime Steampunk and Alfons Heidrich.
Most uncomfortable: Organization XIII coat, 'cause the damn thing's so heavy.

23. The cosplay you put the most effort into?
Current WIPs.

24. Any unfinished costumes? Will you ever finish them?
...yes. Yes I will finish them, too.

25. How many wigs do you own? Which is your favorite?
Three. Favorite one is my short, frosted blond wig. When I wear that one, it looks natural, so it's funny to take it off and watch people react with "...I thought that was your real hair!"

26. Where do you work on your cosplays and where do you store them when they’re done?
I mainly work on my cosplays in my apartment, and store them in one of the bigger closets I have.

27. What is your favorite cosplay item?
...I don't really think I have one...

28. Cosplay peeves/things you are particular about?
I'm very detail-oriented. I want the costume to be as accurate as possible, since that means that there's less for the judgmental jerks out there to nitpick on.

29. Something you want to improve on for future cosplays?
I would love to expand my sewing skills, so I can make costumes the way I want them. Puff sleeves are EVIL.

30. Cosplay-related work you are most naturally talented at (ie: sewing, prop-making, wigstyling, etc)?
Putting together a costume armor piece just from eyeballing reference pictures. Without a pattern. I do it in non-cosplay life too.

A few simple rules...

I don't think I've ever done a post like this. Might not ever do another one, but hey, you never know...

Anyway, I like to think of myself as accepting of pretty much everyone who comes into my life in some way, shape, or form. That being said, I do have a point where I will no longer tolerate someone's behavior. So, to make getting along with me easier, both online, and IRL, I've come up with this rule list. It should be a short read, 'cause like I said, it takes a lot to tick me off.


A Few Simple Rules For Being My Friend:


1. Let me have my moments where I rant, rave, get upset, and bitch about things. This is how I cope with getting angry or upset. I will own up to what I say, especially if I'm allowed to get it out in the open and off of my chest.

2. Treat me like I'm your intellectual equal. Most of the people I associate with are older than me, and have more experience than me. I get that, and respect that. But if I wanted to be treated like a kid who doesn't know any better, I'd have my parents do that.

3. Don't mock the things I enjoy. I get that people don't always like the same things, and that what one person likes might bother someone else. I don't like some things in some of the fandoms I'm in. Doesn't give me the right to bash the people who do like those things.

4. Accept that I am a work in progress, and will always be human. None of us is perfect, and we all change throughout our lives. As of this writing, I've gone from unemployed from January to May, to full-time employee, to supervisor. I've started moving out of my parents' house into an apartment, and I'm working on saving up for a better car than the one I drive now (19 miles to the gallon sucks, btw). In the nine months since the start of the year, I've grown and changed a lot.

I had a case of Life happen...

It's been a very busy past few months since my last post back in May... Since then, I've gotten a job, gotten promoted at said job, and am now in the process of relocating closer to said job. I've started working on my panel for Anime Nebraskon, and I've signed up for the walk-on cosplay competition, which means I have to scramble to get one of my costumes done in time. So, yeah. Life happened.

Numbers everyone should have close at hand

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

*sigh*

So due to stuff at home being more than I can tolerate in terms of asshattery, I'm in the midst of getting things packed up and migrated up to Omaha. I'm looking for work in the Omaha area, and looking for a place to live so I'm not mooching off of my bff and her mom for too long.... Once I'm out, I'm not going to be in contact with the 'rents for at least a year. I need to be away from them, and out of contact with them so they can't try and talk me into coming back to an extremely toxic situation. Yes, I'm a bit behind schedule in terms of getting the hell out of Dodge, but damnit, I'm working on it.

Convention Plans

Yes, I know it seems a bit early for me to be worrying about Anime Nebraskon, but I have a very good reason for doing so. This year, a very dear friend of mine will be flying in, and we'll be sharing a hotel room. I'll be booking the room in a few weeks, after I get more money put onto my re-loadable Visa, and have payed a couple bills...

I will have at least two costumes (possibly three, if time and money work out right) at Nebraskon, one of which is indeed Deckerd. I'm actually really close to having that one entirely done, aside from a few key pieces which need to be rebuilt before I can cover 'em in fabric. One of the other costumes I'm bringing will be worked on starting in August, when the fabric stores start putting out their Halloween fabrics, since I need a very specific one for the costume in question (no, I will not be posting progress pics of that one, since it's a surprise, though one other person does know who I'll be), and it's only available right before and after Halloween.... Though the actual building will happen prolly as soon as I finish Deckerd.

Anyway, keep checking here for updates from the Den! :D

A time of sadness

As a lot of you might know, I'm very much a lover of animals. I have had the honor and pleasure of having several in my life, and for the longest time, the one who has been one of my favorites was my dog, Cody. Sadly, all things must end... and this morning, between 5:20 AM and 5:45 AM, Cody took his last breaths and crossed the rainbow bridge. He was a part of our family for almost 15 years.... We got him in June of 1997, when he was 7 months old, and it's due to him that my fear of larger dogs was nullified. He was a good companion, and a good friend. He will be missed. May his journey across the rainbow bridge be a safe one.

Cody Pratt
1996-2012

Mrrr...

Thinking about starting a podcast..... Not sure what I'd do it on though...

On Exes

I know it's not healthy to hold onto hurt feelings for a long time.... but sometimes... even the mighty can fall. Three times, I fell in what I thought was love. Three times, I was lied to, used, manipulated. The last two, both participants were only using me to get to someone else. The last was almost four years ago. I know it's stupid to still get upset and enraged about being used like that, not once, but twice. But goddamnit, sometimes, all it takes is the mention of one of the worst bastards I dated to send me down the path of hurt and anger all over again after years of pushing the thought of the dickhead out of my head.

Um, wtf, brain?

Okay. For the last two days, I've had freaky-ass dreams that I find a bit disturbing.

First one involved being at a dance at a casino.... and being a witness to a shooting. All I remember is chaos, the aftermath of said chaos, and later getting home, changing out of my dress, and trying to relax.... before eying the dress and throwing it in the trash because I knew I would never be able to wear it again due to the negative memories tied to it.

Today's dream involved the cast of The Big Bang Theory, and me packing up everything I own to move out.... Though not everything got packed up right away.... And I was talking to a lady who was like an amalgamation of both Leonard and Sheldon's mothers.... At one point, I looked into my bedroom, which was all but empty aside from a few boxes and some furniture that I was probably leaving behind.... and I said to the lady "It just seems so weird, seeing that room so empty...."


Now I don't know if these two dreams are related or not, or even what they're hinting at. If anyone wants to chime in, feel free to do so.

I just know that I don't have freaky-ass dreams like these when I've fallen asleep after playing WoW.

O.o

So I did a bit of research.... Stumbled upon this site: http://www.carliniinstitute.com/how_recent_solar_flares_are_affecting_us and had a bit of a lightbulb moment.

It really does make sense. And it explains so much why I've been so damn drained.

Mrrph

mkay.... Here's the deal.... as of late, in other words: the last month or so, I've just been so damn wiped, and it seems like I just can't get enough sleep. But, and this is the really sucky thing, I have no insurance, so I can't go to the doctor's and find out what's wrong. It might just be that my internal clock's fucked up, or it could be something more serious. Right now, all I can do is try to eat better, and try and get back onto a more reasonable sleep schedule......

... *sigh*

So I'm kind of catching flack over on another site. All because I got a bit upset with a family member for saying that I don't deserve an education, and wrote an update about that. APPARENTLY, writing stuff out so I can flipping get it out and dealt with is the wrong thing to do. And apparently, the fact that I rant, rave, and complain about things and start a whole shit-ton of projects makes me unreliable.

I'm going to declare bullshit. I may rant, rave, bitch, moan, and complain about things, and I might take for-freaking-ever to get something done, but at least I am doing something, be it attempting to get everything I need to do to get to the point that I am living away from my parents, or even just a costume. As I've said regarding my education, I might take the scenic route, but I will get there eventually. It won't be quiet and calm, but that's just how I do things.

If I didn't bitch and moan about some of the shit I deal with, I would let it sit and fester until I snapped and did something incredibly hurtful to myself. I came close to that almost five years ago. If not for the fact that my best friend actually drove out over 200 miles just to come and get me when my car ran out of gas and I was in a bad mental state, I don't know where I'd be. Just the fact that someone cared enough about me to drive over four hours to help me... That's what saved me.

So to all those who think I'm just being a whiney, stupid, unreliable bitch-brat, I say this: In a week or so, I make a decision whether or not I want to continue talking to you. If not, I will at least have the decency to be polite to you at events that we may happen to be at.


ETA: I was wondering why some of this felt so familiar.... turns out, I wrote an entry on my old blogdrive journal about something similar: http://adhdden.blogspot.com/2011/08/presenting-myself-to-others.html

Almost two years later, and it seems this hasn't changed. I still get told to suck it up, and quit whining. Just the people telling me it have changed.

Nom Review: Kippers

As part of my resolution to continue to strive for improvement, I've decided that I will start trying new foods. I decided to dive in feet first by taste-testing something that's kind of been one of my "fear" foods: Kippered Herring snacks.

What is "kippered", you ask? Well, according to Dictionary.com... a fish, especially a herring, that has been cured by splitting, salting, drying, and smoking.

Anyway.... On to the review.

I purchased "Brunswick" brand "Seafood Snacks". $1.25 at Family Dollar and probably about that at most other stores in my area....

Not very impressive packaging, is it? Just some colored plastic film with the brand name and the pertinent data... One serving size is one can.

Size comparison. The can's about as long as my hand.

What the kippers look like. The smell is very fishy at first. And there's a bit of liquid inside the can.... which kinda grossed me out when it got on my hand... I'm such a girl sometimes.

Getting it out of the can....

Om. In truth, this was the second bite I had taken, 'cause I messed up trying to get a pic of the first bite.

Overall, it's not too bad. I'd buy it again to snack on. It's totally the wrong texture for what I'm really craving at the moment (Rollmops, just in case anyone's curious), sadly, but still quite nom. Like a lot of things I've been intimidated by in the past, this really wasn't as bad as I'd imagined it would be. And now, I have something new to add to my list of "Like" foods. :3